St. Peterskirche

Since the monks ruled the roost in Munich, they decided the name of the church square; they chose Petersbergl, aka Peter’s hill.  Ok, I have to get this out there… I had no clue there were different brands of monks.  I really had no clue.  I thought they were all orange-shrouded Asian Buddhist ones, but it seems there are brown hooded Christian type ones too, and those were the ones here.  I learn something every day.

The original church was a wooden structure that lasted for 150 years, and wait for it…. wait for it…. it burned down.  Fire, the destroyer of old European churches.  It was rebuilt and lasted centuries.  Over the years, it was added to with different styles then the second destroyer of all things beautiful in Europe… WWII.  The church was nearly destroyed.  It was finally completed in the year 2000. That took a while.  The good news is all the great artwork accumulated over the years was saved.

In 1190, the church was turned into a holy spot by Bishop Otto II of Freising. Another man named Otto… shocker.  There is a little irony to this little holy spot; Bishop Otto II was from the town that Henry the Lion torched their bridge.  Bishop Otto put God and Holy Monks first and blessed the spot.  He was a nice boy that did not hold grudges.  He was not afraid of Henry or his kind either, he knew there were no such things as dragons, and the slay the dragon tale was nothing more than drunk talk.  Bishop Otto was a boss.

Peterskirche has a famous resident, Saint Mundita, the Patron Saint of Spinsters.  As you enter the church, bear left and go to the second chapel.  You will see the skeletal remains of Saint Mundita in her glass coffin.  She is covered with a netting loaded with gold and jewels.  They even gave her freaky fake eyes so she can stare into your lonely soul and be a Judgy McJudge as to why you are still single.   She originally was from the Rome catacombs and was transferred in 1675 to Munich.  Well, dug up and moved without her family’s permission, I suspect. Mundi never had time for a man and never found out what the dingle-dong was for, so sad.  She was devoted to her religious beliefs and was a nice girl, homelier than a mud fence but devoted to God.  She was martyred in the year 310 and was beheaded with a hatchet for not renouncing her faith. 

Now, this is fun; Mundita has a Facebook page, she really does.  Who says she is not a major saint; she has social media and a party every year at the church. Light a candle and find a man.

Above her is the Patron Saint of Mariners and protector against intestinal ailments, well, just his head anyway.  Even in death, Mundita does not get to be with a whole man, just a piece and the wrong piece.  His name is Saint Elmo, no lie… Elmo. They gave him weird blue eyes and put his head on a cushion. Initially, it was thought he was martyred by disembowelment.  They sliced him open and used a windlass to wind up his guts.  A windlass is a mariner winch.  Another rumor is he was beaten with rods and had all sorts of hot stuff poured on him with no effect; he would not die.  The power of God spared him a horrible death.  The final story is he grew old and was celebrated for all his suffering.  God gave him peace and an easy ending.  His body was transferred to Gaeta, but along the way, the people dropped his head as they passed by Munich.  The monks snatched it up, hid it for a while until they forgot it was missing.  They then placed it on display with Mundita, so they both found love after death.   Light a candle and never get gas again. I lit two as I am single and fart a lot.

I did spend some time with Mundi.  They need to have a Windex moment on her coffin.  It has a glare and a half as well as some dirt.  Hard to judge the Germans when the windows in my cat room are just as dirty.  Single women and cats…go figure.  Anyway, Munds is totally creepy with her glass eyeballs staring at you.  Her little outfit was cute and all, but the creep factor is pretty intense, so you can tell why she never landed a man.  They did a pretty good job sticking her head back on, so you cannot tell it was whacked off, poor gal.  I politely told her I was very sorry for her beheading and asked her to send a good man my way, no more weenies.  I made my stepmom do the same as I want a new dad.  Time will tell if she heard us or not.

The rumor is the best view of Munich and Marienplatz is the tower known as old Pete. So stretch your legs, have a beer, and head on up; it is totally worth it for the view.  I managed to climb up the ridiculous pile of steps, and it really is worth risking a heart attack for.

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