Munich, Germany – The beginning

It all started in the 700s AD when a little group of Benedictine Monks stopped along the river to get some water. The water was so amazing they decided to stay and plant some potatoes and carrots, calling it home.  The only thing going on there at that time was the garden, the church, and a nice little toll bridge on the salt road from Salzburg. The western European’s loved that Salzburg salt. All was right in Monkland for 450 years; then Henry the Lion showed up. Jackass ruined their freedom.

Henry was the Duke of Bavaria and in 1158 the city officially became Muchen.  The monks started to get ambitious as their little garden grew, and they wanted to have a market.  Henry said, ok, then the giant turd went and destroyed Freising Germany’s toll bridge leaving the Munich bridge the only way for the salt people to transport their salt from Salzburg.  Well, that was a bit rude.

Who was this Henry and how did he get the title “The Lion”? No one is talking anymore, so we just have a silly legend.  Henry took a trip to Jerusalem for a clandestine meeting with the Knights of Templar.  He stopped in Brunswick, Germany for a good beer and a few tacos.  After his 7th or 8th beer, he saw a lion and a dragon having a tift.  He was a manly man, so he jumped in to help the lion as Henry hated dragons and the lion was getting his ass kicked at the time.   Henry slew the dragon, and instead of a beautiful maiden, he got the lion instead.  That lion had nothing but love for Henry and followed him home.  When Henry croaked, the lion was so heartbroken; he died while weeping on Henry’s grave.  Henry put a lion statue outside of a Cathedral in Brunswick to commemorate the dragon’s beat down.

Upon his return from the Holy Land and famous dragon smackdown, Henry’s cousin Fred asked him to help with a little personal war he wanted to wage.  Henry was always willing to let his peasants die for little turf wars, but he decided no this time.  He wanted Fred to give him Saxony first.  Fred was offended at the request for Saxony so he said “no”.  Henry told him to “bite me” and stayed home.   Fred got his ass kicked and blamed Henry because Fred can do no wrong in his feeble mind.  Good old Fred pulled a few strings and had Henry tried in absentia for insubordination.  Henry was then exiled with his wife Matilda to Normandy.  Family, ugh, they can be such turds.

There is a little back story here; cousin Fred was a dick.  Henry was happily married to Clementina and had three kids.  All was right in his world when Fred got a bug up his butt and forced Henry to divorce Clementina and marry Matilda.  Matilda was English, and Fred got some good land in the deal, Saxony.  See now why Henry wanted Saxony?  He left his nice wife for another one and got nothing in the deal but a younger chick.  Henry was not exactly a peach of a guy, though.  Henry had a little sidepiece named Ida Von Blieskastel.  They had a daughter, and he named her Matilda, oh the irony on that one.

Henry the Lion
Henry had this sculpture placed in Brunswick of his “lion”. No wonder it was getting his ass kicked by the dragon. It looks like a dog.

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